THE OFFICIAL WHAT HAPPENED IN VEGAS 2k3 POST

[SuperHelix]

DISCLAIMER - DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY DISGUSTED..

Normally what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, but this is just to let
all of you in on the fun you missed, so next time (We are going yearly), you will come.

I'll let the other participants add to this, but this is from my view
when I wasn't in a drunken stupor.

First off names and key quotes of the trip
Jax CREW
Candide - Jason ("Mr. Happy)
Saphyre - Julie ("We got chains and handcuffs stolen from our luggage")
Mosthula - Dave ("She didn't like the rear entry")
Nikolaos - Jen ("No Rear Entry")
Hyla - Rich ("Fill it in")
Rich's wife

Asian Express
Killetas - Rich (Wait till you guys see the pics I got coming, "Mr. Addicted to Slot Machines, EVERYWHERE WE WENT)
Pinkerton - Tony (G.Q. Asian)
3 of their friends joined us as well

Trim Hunt Contestants
Super - Dwayne (DING 1.5)
Beratuul/Sven - Derek (DING 0)

WINNER - DWAYNE and has proof of Trim Hunt win will be posted. Read on..

THURSDAY
Derek and I arrive at the Paris Hotel on Thursday at 2pm.
Cool place, never stay there again.
Drinking and gambling happens immediately.
By 6pm, and our planned dinner with all of the gang, I lose about $700, Derek makes $400, but we are both toasty.

We meet all the JAX gang and the Asian Express and head to the Bally's steak house... Sarcasm abound, great food, 2 bottles of wine, and some amazing rear entry fetish and anal sex stories hit the whole restaurant.

45 min into us being there (PIC will be posted at the restuarant), the maitre'd asks us to be quiet. It's ON!

The JAX gang head out to the Blue Man Group, and The Trim and Asian Express head out to drink/gamble more, then hit Coyote Ugly, a awesome bar in NYNY.

Now I promised Derek I would be his wingman the first night, and I probably was as smooth as Goose to Maverick (Top Gun).

We get to CY and the drink and dancing is on. 2 chicks approach and the macking begins.

(Pics will be posted here.)

Derek moves on Julie (for later reference, the good looking one), and Dwayne provides the wingman support on Kai (The red headed step child, lets call her "Firecrotch" for later on.) Dwayne and Derek are trashed.
Girls are trashed. Dwayne is making out with Firecrotch all night in/out of the bar, as Derek is trying his best mac on Julie, nada so far.. Poor guy.

Asian Express leaves us at 3 am or so, and D and D walk the girls out, well we get more drinks (ya right like we need it), and hang out at a outside bar from NYNY, girls stayed at Excalibur, next door.

Derek falls asleep on Julie, so Dwayne while still trying to push Firecrotch off his crotch (man she was aggressive, AGGRO!) swings Julie around and around and a fucking police guard comes over and says KIDS CALM DOWN And go home.. Couldn't believe it, but funny shit.

Trim boys lead the girls home, and both make out at the steps to the hotel and drop the girls off. Yes first kiss for Derek ...

Trimmers head home around 5 am, sleepy time.

FRIDAY!! (Total of 4 hours of sleep for Trimmers)

All wake up around 10 am, and head to breakfast with the Asian Express, (Kill)Rich pulls out the gold card and we skip 100 people in line. Good food and the day is on.

Drinking/Gambling begins around 2pm AGAIN.. Dwayne actually wins $400 at Paigow Poker, while others are losing their ass. We move on after the rain stops (fucking poured), to a couple different hotels and to get shoess for Tony/Rich so we can get in Studio 54, since they didn't bring the goods for the clubs.

Tonight we had Amazing Jonathan planned with everyone. Best fucking show I have seen in a while, guy is OFF THE HOOK.

JAX Crew heads to gambling, DAVE IS ADDICTED to fucking Texas Hold'em omg...

Asian Express and Trimmers are off to Studio 54, well we get a limo driver, named Frankie V, and he tells us he can get us in for free at Rain, the awesome club at Palms, we are there.

Midnight, at Palms, after waiting in line for an hour, and not moving one step, we depart to the floor bar.. 30 shots and 6 drinks per person later, I tell the boys to follow me to a BJ table and take the end spot and we fill the table with Velia teh dealer, cute girl, who actually smiled and laughed her ass off once we were done with her. In 10 minutes, I busted her 7 times, and the group won $700.. Floor Manager was pissed, Velia got tipped well..

Frankie V, Mr Limo picked us up and we headed to Diamond Cabaret, all nude strippers.

Immediately upon walking in, I pickup and all over a dark hair very hot chick, and get all the boys some other loving...30 minutes later, I am alone in the VIP room with a naked hot chick bouncing up and down on me, while the others are watching the stage... Mind you VIP room is in the back covered from all..After 15 minutes and actual vagina juice on my pants because she was so horny, and I did/touched all the right things (I HAVE PIC, and will post that shit here..) She started taking my pants/boxers off and licking down my chest. Then my member was in her mouth, and I thought to myself, hmm this is nice and TOTALLY not expected..After she swallowed (AMAZING), she wanted me to watch her last dance on the stage and exchange #'s so she could come party the next night...Well out I come and tell the boys, boom I earned .5 on the trim hunt...Derek then makes his try on a pigtail 17 year old with braces...
After 30 min of fun, no deal and Dwayne takes the lead..

Meanwhile Julie and the firecrotch girl keep calling, and we ignore the calls... More on that later..

We are out of there at 5 am, sleep at 6 am.

SATURDAY (4 hours of sleep for trimmers)

Trimmers head to wake up the Asian Expressers and they are passed out..

We say fuck it and head to the pool, lay out for 3 hours and drink our ass off. Funny part of the story here at the pool, is Derek buys 2 huge drinks filled in Eifeel Tower plastic glasses and leaves the top of mine very loose and open.

I fucking drop it, it spallters on me and everywhere.. GREAT MOVE by me...After the Red Sea is cleaned up, we order Tequila 1800 (mind you we havn't eaten or really slept ever yet), and end up passing out in our rooms at 5pm or so, till 7pm and getting ready for the night to Studio 54.

We meet the JAX Crew at dinner again passing 100 people in line for the ultimate buffet, and we are off to Studio with Frankie V.
See FV Limo man set us on the VIP list and we passed a 2 hour line to get into the BEST club in Las Vegas.. (PICS WILL BE POSTED HERE.)

Drinking ensues, Trim Hunt ensues.. Trimmers blow off Julie and Firecrotch again (They are now angry, and whenever they call, they always ask for me, and not Derek, more on this later...) No big pulls, good dancing and talking, no numbers or hookups.

Dancing, scoping, talking, etc happens, Derek and Rich will fill you in here more, but Tony and I left the club at 3:30 drunk and fucking exhausted with smoke in our lungs. I head back and win $300 playing Paigow Poker, Tony loses his ass and heads up.

Mind you I fall asleep at 6 am. Derek the drunk cocky bish walks in at 7 am and is fully loaded, screaming yelling, turning lights on, not giving a shit. I crack him over his head and he almost falls asleep. Then he makes the real wrong move for himself and calls Julie and Firecrotch at fucking 7:30 am on Sunday..and leaves the dumbest drunk minute gap filled message ever and also tells them I have a girlfriend, so firecrotch stops mounting me. (BTW they left me a voicemail saying I want my cigs back from Derek, and Dwayne come party with us that next day)

SUNDAY (3 hours of sleep)

Wake up at 11 am and start packing and getting ready. Flights are at 2:30.

Well we say bye to everyone and get some awesome pics of Rich sleeping with us doing all kinds of shit (teabagging, farting on him, Tony's dick in his ear.) PICS ARE COMING..Kill can sleep like no other person I have ever seen.

Trimmers head to the aeropuerto and Derek and I joke about the .5 lead I have..amongst more drinks, and some sandwiches.

Goodbyes are exchanged and we head to our gates..

Now my story takes over here..

2:30 - Plane is late.
3:00 - Boarding assumes, but they wait another 30 min before saying anything
3:30 - Plane malfunction problem they say, give us 30 min.

(Meanwhile there are 3 SF cheerleaders sitting next to me, OMG HOT that I am macking on, and talking too)
4:00 - Need to wait 2 hours
Macking ensues, and we go get drinks
5:30 - Plane flight is cancelled
No other flights to SJ, Oak or SF for me, and I get free vouchers, room, and a cab to the hotel.

Mind you its 7pm by now and I've had 11 hours of sleep in 3.5 days after sitting in a fucking airport for 5 hours.

Pass out in the hotel till 9 pm.. Get a phone call. Its Julie..She wants me to come out with her and firecrotch.. Well I tell her bottom line the truths, I don't have a g/f, Sorry about firecrotch, but Im interested in her, i.e. Julie. She says cool, come out.

10:30 pm arrive at the bar of choice with the girls..drinking and macking ensues, and Julie looks awesome.

11:00 pm Play BJ and free drinks for 2 hours

1 am - Head to Coyote Ugly (Boys this bar is the shit, hottest fucking bartenders all girls, and girls dancing all over the place on the bar, stage, etc..) Shots and drinking ensues and firecrotch decides to leave the bar and head home. GAME ON..

Soon as she is gone, Julie and I are phreaking all over the floor and mkaing out till about 3 am..She calls firecrotch and she ends up in her Aunt's room, so FREE ROOM... but before we go Julie wants to teach me the game Let It Ride, so 4 am to 5 am, we end up winning $100, but I still don't know how to play this game, as our lips and tongues were pretty much entanged for the hour..She bascially was giving me a Handjob at the table, that was the bomb haha... (Girls enjoying this??)

So boom elevator, clothes are already coming off, room, 2 hours later, I am heading back to my hotel at 7 am, and DINGed 1.5 on the hunt, and claimed victorious winner. No sleep, nothing to eat, head to the airport and catch my flight at 9 am, its late... gate gets changed, don't take off till 11 am, and I get First Class, boom Screwdrivers the whole flight and pass out at home after sending in my offer letter to the company I am going to go work for in Austin.

Well Julie calls me once she lands, and there might be some potential there, so I guess not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, eh?

Can't wait till next year's trip!! June 3-6, MARK IT DOWN!!!

I will be posting pics after I get them developed.

Was a blast and thanks to everyone that came, and I feel sorry for those that didn't.. JAX'ers ruled the shows and the visiting of places, Trimmers did their job (one failed), and the Asian Express rolled in and out of town.

D, I love you man.

I am going to pass out for 12 hours (11 hours of sleep in 4 days is not healthy).

Peace.

D

[SuperHelix]

Law, move this to general discussion

[Beratuul]

I came, I saw, I didn't conquer. Lessons were learned, my game was flawed, but now, polished. Look forward to next year.


More on the Club 54 night.


Richie, myself, and one of Richie's friends, head back int he club, and start to dance with 5 hot asian chicks. One problem, they all have husbands, and of course, that one problem, kids.

So, we look around, and need to re-group. Head to the blackjack table, and clean up. $150 bucks for drinks again back in our pocket, we head back in, and are ordering shots till we drop. Bazooka Joes were the choice of the evening, until Richie gets us all doubles of 1800.

Night is about 5:00 at this point, and I'm sitting down next to the dance floor and a chick comes up to talk to me. She is like, Hey , I saw you dance, come dance with my friend and I, yadda yadda. Ok, sure. So, then Richie comes back from the washroom, and we're ducking and diving, head to to the main stage, and then its over. I bust out the lawnmower and shopping cart on the main floor at club 54 until we shut down the bar. So, then, these two chicks, are like, come with us to after hours. Not having settled our attempts to get laid at this point, we head to Drais.

At this point, we're on empty. Richie is macking on the two chicks, and gets threatened by this dude. This dude then takes off, once my presense is known.

We head back around 7 am, and I lost 140 bucks in paris. Drunk bj = no. Well, not drunk, passed out bj = no, especially when the dealer hits 5 21s off bust cards in a row.


Later, I hit up Dwayne, and am trashed. I can't remember who I called, or what I said, just that is was not good... at all.


For the trip, I drank everyone under the table. Dwayne was a close second, but age kicked in, and the canadian took over.

For two black eyes, and a broken rib, I managed to hold my own and push the right buttons. I didn't get laid, lost the trim, but, had the time of my life.

Next year will be a different story.


Was nothing but good times, great meeting you all in real life, and look forward to doing it again.

P.S - Law, Dwayne called you a pussy. After your no show, I am inclined to agree.

[Pinkerton]

Haley...I love you. One of the hottest freakin' girls I've ever seen period...and then she got nekkid and did crazy undulating motions with her exposed parts.

Frankie V...I love you, but in a totally hetero/platonic way.

and when I was drunk and "lost my ass" at Paigow after 54, I was actually even. I never lost money at a table. Me and Spanky even won $25 from two quarters we got from lunch. My luck was out of control.

The Amazing Johnathan had a roaming camera showing the audience before the show. He would focus on people and write insult captions on the screen.

Example: He focused on one guy and said "Has a monster cock". Then he said "Unfortunately, he left it at home."

Eventually, the camera focused on the Asian Express (Me, Bitchard and Spanky). The caption read "RUN....GODZILLA....RUN!!!!"

Aimee Mann was badass on the pool deck at Paris, and I was front and center, 10 feet away from her. I could've jumped the gate and punched her in the face 14 times before security would've stopped me.

[Ganedar]

lmfao...sorry, I missed that trip...sounded like a blast!

[Twystyd]

OMG me too. That is the greatest trip ever! Next year Crip turns 21

P.S - Law, Dwayne called you a pussy. After your no show, I am inclined to agree.

LOL, I can't really blame him. Sounds like good times without me ~

[Rhiandra Rangnar]

OMG I am crying laughing here. I'm glad you all had fun.


Dwayne my entire perception of you has changed which is neither good nor bad.

One of the funniest portions of your post: (no shit it made me spit my drink out)

Well Julie calls me once she lands, and there might be some potential there, so I guess not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, eh?

I'm dying.



Almost wish I had joined you all, perhaps this year I'll take up drinking so I can at least attempt to hold my own with you nutjobs. Oh, btw can I room with Rolo?


Looking forward to seeing the pics.

[Nese]

Your my hero.

Get those pics up. I wanna see this Julie lol

[Beratuul]

Word of the trip = Splooge.


Words to describe everyone:


Dwayne: rich, rich and rich. Defiantly the p0rn star look with class. Great kid, who acts a little gay. The guy is defiantly a closer. Puts up little offence, but the wingman potential is unlimited.

Rich: The Dragon Slayer. Ths guy is the ultimate surprise. When he isn't in bed, he is on the dance floor or pulling sluts, err, slots.

Tony: Tony is the anchor of the group. Smooth and laid back, it brings nothing but the west coast, to well, West Coasters. Downs Saki like its water. Btw, that restaraunt fucking owned.

AZN friends: Atleast some people fucking smoke too. I can't believe how many times, Dwayne told me to stop blowing smoke in his face..


*oh, did I tell you Rich and Dwayne spilled their drinks all OVER the tables? ont he cards, on the chips, just a fucking mess*

Dave: I didn't see this guy without a beer in his hand, or a comment about anal sex, or Texas Hold Em.

Jason: I hope he bought his soon to be wife a shitload of flowers when he got home


Last but not least, me: Dwayne will probally call me the cockiest mother fucker on the planet. When the pics get taken, you'll see nothing but Shocker ! First one up, last one in bed, drank the most, partied the hardest. Someone had to rep the Canadians, I just didn't do so in the sack.

I remember walking to Club 54 and telling Dwayne, we were the best looking kids in the hotel, and he didn't like the comment, but could only agree on facts.


Thats about all I can remember.

[killets]

i sleep like a monster. but we got back at like 7am.. i woke up at noon, and i was still drunk... mind you, i take my alki hard and keep it there... and i usually get an A+ for hangover prevention. but this night.. i was too drunk to remember to drink a gallon of water before bed..


anyways, after i get up, i walked around, still drunk... went to brunch.. ordered like $20 worth of food then prompty passed out on the table after not eating any of it.

then my hangover kicked in... and i was dying. my memory is kind of blank here, but i think the fact that i'm a vegas veteran (ths is like my 20th trip... my 5th trip since turning 21 a couple years back), means i instinctly knew where to go to survive.

so i convince spanky and tony to take us to the movie theatre where i can fucking sleep and at least get to a state where i won't get arrested at the airport (this is the #1 move for people who are too drunk after they checkout of their room and seriously need to pull themselves together.. take notes kiddies). they all pick T3, which i have already seen, but i didn't give a fuck. i just wanted to sleep. now mind you, if any of you have seen T3, it is one of the LOUDEST FUCKING MOVIES EVER. The boom at the vet clinic, the 30 min car chase, etc...

i slept through the first 1 hour... woke up to some more explosioins, then fell back asleep until the end.

needless to say, i'm wondering what the fuck dwayne did to me while i was passed out. god damn homo.

hehe

anyways, i was too drunk to remember 54.. i think at one point, i didn't care who i was hitting on... and thus how me and derek ended up with two sluts until the end.

and how we met snoop on the walk to drai's. thanks to derek for helping me remember that. now i gotta find out where that pot went. dont' want it going to waste.

[killets]

and dwayne gets mad props for covering the nuke at coyote ugly that first night.

seriously... FATMAN[/url]

[killets]

oh shit
i just remembered the guy who wanted to start a fight with me at drai's.

he was trying to take our two sluts, so i talked some shit, came back to th e party, found derek because i wanted to make sure we beat the shit out of him, but he ran away like law running from a vagina (just kidding.. hehe.. but he did run away).

[killets]

and i didn't need to buy shit. my ass is always prepared. it was spanky and tony who dropped the ball on the clothes and shoes thing

[Pinkerton]

Oh yeah. Let's talk about bed noises.

Friday, all of the Yakuza (Asian Express) was taking a nap while I relaxed and watched some TV. Bitchie starts snoring like a madman. This is some serious epiglottis-blocked nasal death metal he's playing. Finally, I just get frustrating and fling my pillow across the room, smacking him in the face, and waking him up at which point he just sits there staring at me with this retarded dumbfounded look wondering why he woke up so suddenly. I laughed at him for like 5 minutes.

After Bitch got back at 7am Saturday night/Sunday morning and finally fell asleep, he started snoring making Friday's snoring sound like Enya compared to this sick stuff. I finally fell asleep and had these crazy dreams of these Indian people agressively chanting while sacrificing virgins and small puppies only to wake up, and sure enough, it was Bitchard. I couldn't understand how such a horrible noise could come from such a short, fat, thyroid-deficient boywhore, that I just started to crack up uncontrollably. Matt was next to me, and he couldn't sleep either, so when he heard me start to laugh, he started to bust up too. So there we were, 8am, and Bitchard is nose yodelling into the night as we're sitting there laughing our asses off in bed.

Then Matt got pissed off, so he just started reaching for the floor and picking up random pieces of clothing, flinging them at Bizznitch until he finally smacked him really good with my khakis, causing him to turn over and stopping the horrendous snoring.

[Twystyd]

So, then Richie comes back from the washroom, and we're ducking and diving, head to to the main stage, and then its over. I bust out the lawnmower and shopping cart on the main floor at club 54 until we shut down the bar.

LMAO, WTF is that. That shit would have made my weekend right there.