Funny letter of Resignation

[Mourningblade]

Actual letter of resignation from an employee to her boss.


Dear Mr. Baker,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharply-dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)



Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

Cecelia ---

[Nania]

Kickass girl that is

[Xarkon]

PWNED with a capital "P"

[Beratuul]

No way that is real.

[Mourningblade]

Lol, I was thinking the same thing, but....


I often fantasize about how im gonna leave my own job so I thought it was funny.

[Beratuul]

I still don't get why it it "illegal" for the boss to send her a bad recomendation. Unless the company is union, I don't see why? Any lawyers or someone want to look that up?


Besides, if that dude wanted, he could show the cops the letter, and she actually blackmailed him in it =/

[Hall]

that was excellent now if only I used my degree in NA to get a job in NA
so poor imho

[Elfdroper Gravelender]

Bera please post more so I can stare at your avatar...K thx.

[Beratuul]

yes ma'am.

[Trump]

from what i understand its considered slander or defamation of character

[Nilbert500]

[Candide]

Dunno if there is a "law" persay that prevents you from doing it, but yes there are only 3 questions you can answer as a manager for an employee, at least in Florida. In fact, they are only supposed to ask those three questions. Confirm dates of employment, confirm position duties, and would you rehire (which is simply a yes or no comment, you aren't supposed to be able to say no, how stupid is that?).

I imagine there is precendence in a civil courts, rather than a true law. You WANT someone to give you a bed reference, as you can then sue them for a couple years worth of pay

[Majesticone]

In Washington we can't say yes or no to whether we will rehire them as that is an implied contract to rehire them if we say yes. We can give hire/terimination dates, answer basic questions about the job they were in, and if we felt they performed certain parts of their job well (i.e. quality of work, dependability, accuracy, etc.). I get several calls a year for past employees, and it's mostly just about hire dates and type of work.

[Rhuac]

You gotta be kidding me... how is it slander/defamation of character when it's true?

Would you hire this person again? Yes or No... the fact that you must substitute "no comment" for "no," triples the retardedness.

[Candide]

I didn't say it made sense, just saying what it is

Don't you dare let your facts get in the way of my lawsuits bitch!