Funny Christmas story

[Mourningblade]

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=s ... ds_s_gifts

[Flipout]

heh...


Kids these days... i dont blame them, i blame the parents.

[Seventhorn]

dont blame the parents they were trying to do the right thing. Kids are such brats these days.

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kids are such brats these days because of the slack the parents have been cutting them. The dad said it himself, he'd been lax on his two kids.

[Tingtong]

Not as funny as the kid whole stole the bottle of don perion champaign that his mother saved from their wedding..

Mom staright up ganged his video game system and posted it on ebay with what he did. It was Hilarious.

[Sirion]

People should be required to read this article before jumping head first into parenting:

http://maddox.xmission.com/beat.html

[Mourningblade]

LOL

The one-handed chauffeur reach around.

HaHa, my sister actually put her car in a ditch performing this manuever


Classic stuff

[Sirion]

LOL

The one-handed chauffeur reach around.

HaHa, my sister actually put her car in a ditch performing this manuever


Classic stuff

If one of the kids hit their head against the window I think that they got the message, if not, advise her to swerve a bit less and slap a bit more ><

[Flipout]

savage!

[Seventhorn]

cut and paste the story for me I cant get over to that link blocked by the company.

Thanks

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HOUSTON - The kids were naughty, Dad put the presents on eBay instead of under the tree — and Mom's been crying ever since. Now, even the tree's down.



Saturday morning was sure not to be very jolly for three brothers — 9, 11 and 15 — who didn't straighten up when their father told them Santa wasn't too pleased with their fighting, cuss words and obscene gestures.


Dad and Mom had warned their sons that the Nintendo (news - web sites) DS video system — and the three games that go with it — were headed for the auction block if they didn't get their act together.


"No kidding. Three undeserving boys have crossed the line. Tonight we sat down and showed them what they WILL NOT get for Christmas this year. I'll be taking the tree down tomorrow," the man announced in his eBay posting.


"If you don't buy them, we'll return them to the store," the seller known online as magumbo_2000 reported on the site.


Thursday night, the auction wound down with bidding at $465.01 — below the price the man had set. He said he would probably list the items again.


A single day of particularly bad behavior set the Christmas crackdown in motion.


"These are normally really good kids," said Dad, who asked the Houston Chronicle not to reveal his name. Dad even admits he and Mom are partly to blame for being too lax at times.


But enough was enough. The warning of an impending sale came earlier in the week at a sit-down between offspring and parents.


"We told them they were destroying each other and the calm and peace in the household. It had to stop," said the man, who did tell the paper that he works as an information technology specialist and lives in Pasadena.


The boys pledged to be nice, but were back to their old ways the next morning.


That night, Dad announced that he would indeed be putting $700 in video games up for sale on eBay. The oldest boy double-dared his dad to make good on his word.


Dad said Mom has been in tears since the showdown.


"I don't do it outwardly," he said, "but I'm crying on the inside."

[Sirion]

It has pictures, you will really miss out ... but I can show everyone else why you can't see it probably....

The title: If you work for websense, you aren't reading this!

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net ... u=websense

[Sirion]

Here is just the article itself without pictures :/

"Love your kids? Prove it: by beating them!

How come everyone today is too much of a pussy to smack their kids around? That's what I want to know: why are parents afraid to beat their kids? When I was a kid and I screwed up, my parents beat my ass. We didn't have a conversation about it. I didn't have a "time out." In fact, I've never even once been grounded in my life. What's the point? Send your kid to his room and make him play video games and read comic books all day? Great idea, why don't you take him to a psychiatrist while you're at it so she can pull some disorder out of her ass to hide the fact that you're a bad parent?

Kids today need a good beating every now and then. If you don't beat your kids when they fall out of line, the next thing you know your son will go off and bang some dude in the ass just out of spite. You tell them to clean their room, they say "no," you smack them. It's simple; it works. Don't listen to these assholes on TV with their bullshit hippy psycho babble; if they had it their way, every child would be raised in a pastel colored room with Philip Glass pumped through the speakers 24 hours a day. Then again, it might not be all that bad because it will make your kids complacent, so it won't be as hard for them to swallow when they realize that they'll be spending the rest of their lives chained to a desk in a cubicle writing reports to make someone else rich.

The problem is that kids today think their opinions matter. By not beating your kids, they get a skewed perspective of reality where they start thinking that they have it rough and that they can get away with dying their hair and listening to Insane Clown Posse. That's where you need to come in and put the law down. To help you, the negligent parent, I've put together a guide to smacking your kids for your convenience (hint: you may want to even print this guide up and hang it on your fridge as a reminder to both you and your kids). Here are some useful techniques:

# 1) Five across the eyes. This is a very basic maneuver and usually enough to cover most situations when your child is out of line. Simply put four fingers tightly together and either leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Then smack your kid across the face with the back of your hand. Now this is the tricky part: make sure to snap your wrist just before contact otherwise you won't get a stinging effect. Very important because you don't want to risk letting your kid think you're a pussy.

# 2) The sucker punch. Just ask the question "hey, what's that on your shirt?" and when they look down, bust their lip. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don't ever let them off the hook. Just because they're not doing anything wrong doesn't mean that they didn't do something wrong earlier that you weren't aware of.

# 3) The yard stick. Or for those of you who don't use the arbitrary American system, this is also known as "the meter stick." This is a good general purpose beating because the stick usually doesn't last beyond three or four good whacks--usually enough to send the message.

# 4) The one-two shut-the-hell-up. This is priceless when you're shopping and your kid won't shut the hell up: "I'm hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin..." etc. First smack your kid (the 5 across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings.

# 5) The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe. If you do your job as a parent, this should never have to be administered. This is for heavy duty jobs only (ie. any time your kid comes home and begins a sentence with "she might be pregnant..." or "I can _____ if I want to..." where the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs, watch Oprah, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid from screwing up.

# 6) The Dragon Kick. If you're interested in a permanent solution to your child giving you lip about washing the dishes, cleaning his or her room or filing your tax return, then the Dragon kick might be the technique for you. I guarantee that you will only have to ask once after the Dragon kick has been administered.

# 7) The skull thump. A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child up side the head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she makes a mistake. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds confidence, or undermines confidence--I can't remember which.

# The one-handed chauffeur reach around. A quick reach around while you're driving to smack your kid and his friends too if they disrespect. Swerve the car back and forth for the full effect.

# 9) The cane intercept. If you're too old to chase your kid around the house, use the handle of your cane to trip him if he tries to get away. When he gets up, poke him in the head a few times to let him know who's boss.

There you have it. Use these basic techniques to discipline your child if you want him or her to turn out to be a success story like me. Here's how to tell if you've fulfilled your obligations as a parent:

Remember: never take shit from your kids. You make payments on the house, utilities, their clothes, school, and their food. You own them. If they don't like it, they can move out. If you love your kids, love them enough to beat them so that they don't grow up to be idiots. "

Anyways, there are tons of articles like this at: http://maddox.xmission.com/